Summer = Bummer
Wow times flies…
I spent most of this summer working like a maniac at my most least favourite job of all time. Hate to say it but this summer sucked. I was miserable big time. I could hardly even find the motivation to pick up my guitar. That’s usually a good indicator of my state of mind. I’ve spent the last bunch of months hating my job, my life and living in constant fear. It’s lead me to make some pretty bad decisions. Accordingly, those consequences started leaking into what little pieces of good I still had in my life and began turning even those things toxic. So recently I was faced with an ultimatum. I gazed into a mirror and saw my life reflecting back to me. Needless to say I was not happy with what I saw. In fact I was downright terrified to see how out of hand things had gotten. It was hard to see hope with the eyes I had but I realized that if I didn’t make some kind of drastic change I was going to find myself in a very dark and lonely place.
I’m not sure how I did it but somehow I’ve begun to find hope and the will to move forward. I don’t know if this inspiration is something tangible or if I have simply convinced myself that it exists when it doesn’t, hoping that it will manifest out of such faith. Regardless it seems to be working. I can’t remember the last time I felt this free. I’m starting to have more energy, optimism, determination, joy, peace and hope. I’m starting to get excited about life and it’s freaking me out because these feelings seem so foreign to me haha! Trying to live fearlessly is difficult but I’ve managed to identify my biggest fear and realized that it has been the most powerful force holding me back in my life. I realized that in order to progress and evolve as a person I needed to render this fear powerless over me. It hasn’t been easy but I’ve begun to do just that and already I feel an immense weight lifted from me.
The summer has come and is now fleeting into fall. I don’t know what the coming days, weeks and months will bring but I have to believe that there are good things to look forward to. Life is a mysterious and haunting experience but mixed into that is a world of beauty, awe and wonder. I am eager to find my place in this world. Where do I belong? What am I a part of? I’m not sure yet but I finally feel equipped to journey to that answer.