Strange feelings overtake me

It’s a story of friendship

January 23, 2014

cloud_skyI’m finding the mentality I’m achieving these days beneficial although it still leaves plenty of room for thought and question. I suppose one of the biggest struggles I have right now is the concept of “settling.”

What is settling? I suppose it’s the concept of accepting something as the best it is going to get while secretly believing that it could be better. In some ways I feel like I’m settling for a lot of things these days. Settling for unsatisfying answers to the deeper questions I have about life, its past, present and future. In all honesty I’m moving forward not by choice but because I must to survive. I cannot risk getting left behind and jeopardizing my life as I once did. I can’t bring myself to be that reckless again regardless of how strange I might feel.

“It’s a story of friendship.” It’s the way it’s always been for me. I have discovered no greater value than that of good friends. Such adventures that were lived. So many exciting times, moments and memories. I’ve often looked back on them as “the good old days,” yet when I truly consider my age, they must have only just begun. With such a realization the answer is yes, the old days were majestic however, the secret ingredient that made them so magical was the fact that they were fresh and new. They were being experienced for the first time. Despite that though the moral of the story is the times spent with good friends – a history built that at times seemed uncrushable. Now it barely holds the shaky foundation for something nearly forgotten. When we all grow up and realize at the end of the day that everything we experienced in our youth with reckless ambition and abandonment was only a short lived endeavour, then how do we digest that concept?

My happiest moments have been derived from my time spent with those closet to me, as I’m sure can be said for most people. Yet when such people are to spend time apart – to exchange distance, then what becomes of that history? What was once viewed as strengthened relationships now fades into the past. Shouldn’t a vast history be preserved? Shouldn’t it be honoured and cherished? Shouldn’t it be an affirmation of the victory over past struggles and the reflection of a strengthen soul? Not to mention the hope of companionship in the face of future adversity. And what new adventures await us? Alas it seems these days that the nature of these old friendships with such a historic resonation are simply inactive and shadowed by the mundane responsibilities of every day life. We cannot forget what brought us here, what made us who we are. What do we have if not those that we’ve endured with? I struggle to find the meaning in all of this. Nothing seems worthwhile if it cannot be with those whom I love.

Take me away. Take me back or forward. Just take me there with you.

silhouette of boy watching the sunset - brandon krogel's journal
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